


Feel

by Cinnamohm_roll



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmates, honestly mini is the bestest friend ever, little bit angsty but it gets better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 12:17:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18282248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinnamohm_roll/pseuds/Cinnamohm_roll
Summary: Everybody has a soulmate who they can dream with, except they can't remember anything from their dreams together except some form of touch e.g. holding hands etc.If you meet your soulmate and it's somewhat unrequited you gradually lose the ability to see colour until eventually you'll lose both your soulmate and the ability to see colour forever.





	Feel

[Ohm POV]

He tore through his front door, barely paying any mind as he slammed it shut, tears streaming down his eyes. He ignored his mothers' calls, instead running up the stairs before shutting and barricading himself in his room, only then did he finally curl up in a ball on top of his bed, letting sob after sob wrack through his body until he was too tired to do anything else but sleep.

It's not too long until he fell asleep, and he dreamt a warm arm snake around him, pulling him against an even warmer body and any tension he had visibly melted away as he relaxed into the boy behind him. Next was that all too familiar voice that began to filter through his dream, one that was so familiar to him here but for the life of him he couldn't remember when he was awake. 

"Those fockers treat you like shit again?" He felt the light graze of Brians' lips on the nape of his neck, sending a shiver down his spine, although the younger boy seemed relaxed, he could feel the quiet anger that stirred within him. All he could do was nod, not wanting to break the moment between them. "What I wouldn't give to punch them arseholes in the face"

He let out a quiet hum as they both settled into each other, even in their dream together they napped, wrapped up in one other, simply enjoying the contact whilst they could as it would be all they could remember when they woke up.

He silently cursed when he woke up to a knock on his door, blinking his eyes open as he leaned up from his position on the bed, casting a quick glance outside to see that it was dark. Slowly making his way off of his bed before moving the chair that had blocked his door and greeting his mother's worried face.

"Is everything alright sweetie?"

"Yeah mom, don't worry. I just overreacted a little"

His mom cast him a dubious look "There must be something we could do, the principle -"

"is not gonna criminalize a whole sports team when most of them are expected to get honors. I just need to keep my head down"

He could see tears brimming his mothers' eyes and he can't imagine how helpless she must feel in this moment, she gives a quick nod as if reassuring herself before answering "Okay sweetie, but if it escalates any further I will light a fire under that principles ass the likes of which he's never seen"

He couldn't help but laugh a little at that, his quiet murmur of 'promise' earns him a smile from his mom before he leaned forward to hug her, enjoying the brief moment between them before pulling away. 

"Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes okay?" He gave a brief nod at which his mom smiled before turning to head back downstairs.

Once she was gone he turned and headed straight towards his bed, grabbing one of his pillows in favor of holding it close in pretense of having someone there. In the dredges of his memory, he can remember a warm body and a comforting hand, remembering the comfort and warmth that had been within those touches. Try as he might he couldn't remember anything else from his dream, not a voice or a face or even a name. 

He knew the rule, of course, he'd only ever remember very little from his dreams with his soulmate, and even then he'd only remember some of the more comforting touches between them. But, a part of him had hoped beyond hope that maybe he'd have some sort of defect that would allow him to remember, to cut out the middle man so he could know his soulmate from the start, but alas no such luck.

With a final sigh, he got up from his bed, dragging his feet towards the bathroom where he washed his face, taking a quick look at some of the bruises that were starting to form just under his collarbone before heading downstairs.

********

He rushed into the small coffee shop, glancing down at his watch and cursing at how behind schedule he was. Even though it was his day off he liked to have some form of regimen, but for the first time in a long time he'd slept in and he was now running around like a headless chicken to make up for it.

He was in such a hurry that he didn't notice the guy right in front of him, coffee in hand, before it was too late, a litany of swear words leaving the Irishman's voice as he narrowly avoided his coffee being spilled over himself.

"Oh, shit I'm so sorry, are you alright? I didn't get any on you did I?" His hands moved around haphazardly in an effort to assess the damage but not to invade the stranger's space.  
"I'm good, just about, but you owe me a coffee" the smile the taller man aimed his way told him that he wasn't truly angry, but he couldn't stop the guilt filling him up.

"Of course, shit, I really am sorry"

"It was bound to happen at some point" He couldn't help the confused expression on his face at which the Irishman smiled before continuing "you know one of them romantic clichés that are overdone as fuck in movies. Of course, my luck would have coffee spilled over me" He stared in disbelief at the man who only seemed to turn a light shade of red before looking away "Keep lookin' at me like that and this may turn into a rom-com" 

He blinked as if returning to awareness before quickly diverting his attention away, bright red coloring his cheeks, as he moved further up the queue "So, what's an Irishman doing in Chicago?"

"Apparently havin' his day ruined by some cute focker" He turned bright red and was about to start apologizing before the man stopped him. "I'm just messin' wit you. Decided to come 'ere for a little holiday, dunno why, just kinda felt drawn 'ere, know what I mean?"

He hummed in response, the two of them falling into a comfortable silence as they approached the front counter. He quickly listed off his order, which earned a scoff from the man next to him, before the taller man placed his own order, leaning into the cashiers' ear to whisper something at which she simply smiled before he paid for their drinks. 

They moved out of the way of the people behind them in favor of looking around the small shop until their names were called out. He stared at his cup confused as he looked at what appeared to be a phone number written on the side of his cup, he glanced towards the barista who had made his drink, however, she was too busy preparing peoples' drinks to notice him.

"Call me" He turned to stare at the Irishman who had a smug smile on his face, throwing him a wink before turning to leave the store, leaving him to stand there dumbfounded until he finally got some semblance of control.

He quickly keyed the number into his phone before hitting call, it only rang a couple of times before the familiar voice from only moments ago answered him. "That was fast"  
He laughed down the phone, mostly out of nervousness "Wanna grab a coffee?" He heard the mans own answering chuckle down the line.

"Ya know I could really use a guide to see what's in the city" He couldn't help the smile that lit up his face, for the first time ever happy in the change of his plans.

"I'll be there in a minute" With that, he hung up the call and headed towards the direction he'd seen the Irishman walk, already planning in his head all the places he'd take him to see.

*********  
He let out a sigh as he entered back into his apartment after having dropped Brian off at his hotel. His day with the Irishman had been fun, and he couldn't wait to see him again in a few days for another tour before he left. 

However, it was in the quiet that all his thoughts came racing forth, he remembered the moment that he'd learned Brians' name, how his breath got stuck in his throat and he could feel his heart stop for a moment. He knew Brian was the name of his soulmate, being able to retain very little from their dreams, only touch, they had started to trace on each other personal details in the hopes of remembering them the next morning. 

It took some time getting used to but even that form of communication seemed limited, being able to only retain names, not locations or jobs or even details on how they looked. For all these years that name had been enough but now he couldn't be sure, the fact that the man he'd met today could be his soulmate only made his head spin. 

It definitely didn't help that at several points during the day their fingers would graze against each other, causing some stirrings in his memories that he'd felt those hands before. In fact, at one point, Brian had held him back, hand on his chest to avoid a crowd of people and he could've sworn his heart stopped. He could feel Brians' warmth even through his layers of clothing and he was reminded of longing touches and spilled secrets in the dead of the night. 

The thought of Brian touching him triggering feelings he'd only ever associated with his dreams with his soulmates arose a multitude of questions he didn't have the heart to answer just yet, instead forgoing that route in order to make some dinner.

It was a couple of hours later that he was in his bed trying to get himself to fall asleep and hoping beyond hope that today he'd dream with his soulmate. After another hour of trying to will himself to sleep, he finally felt unconsciousness taking its hold, a voice coming to him seemingly out of nowhere which brought a bright smile to his face.

"Took ya long enough"

From the moment he saw Brian in his dream he knew. Knew that the man he had met today in the coffee shop was him, his soulmate, the man who knew anything and everything about him and had been there constantly as a form of support.

He fell into the taller man's arms, said arms holding him tight as he felt a kiss being pressed against his head. "A part a me knew that it was you I met today"

"Was it my charming good looks?" He looked up to Brian who only scoffed in response to his question before letting out a small chuckle, placing both of his hands on his face with a look of endearment.

"It was more so cause you spilled my coffee on me you clutz" He tried to keep himself composed but by the way Brian was laughing it had failed, the hands that were once gentle against his face were now pinching his cheeks, baby voice in place "You're so cute when you pout like that"

He managed to shake Brians hands off of him, placing a quick jab against the Irishman's' side whilst he was laughing which elicited a childish shriek from the younger man. He only made it so far before Brian tackled him and launched his own attack on him. 

Once they'd settled down they spent the rest of the night having lazy conversations they knew they wouldn't remember, but appreciated all the same, all the while tracing lazy patterns over each other's arms, legs, back, any part of each other they could touch. Making the most of every moment before their haven would be lost again.

********

He woke up with an ache in his heart, and if he focused he could still feel the path Brians' fingers took over his skin, and that's how he stayed, not wanting to disturb the last remnants of his dream before his second alarm went off, signifying that he really had to get up.

He smiled when he saw a good morning text from Brian asking for any recommendations on where to go. He quickly typed out his response, suggesting the pier, Skydeck and a couple of museums, hopefully, it'd be enough to keep him entertained until they met again in a few days' time.

*********

The next few days seemed to both drag and fly by like a whirlwind, the moments he could steal from work were used to see the latest pictures Brian had sent him about his wonderment of the city, bringing a smile to his face.

It was Thursday and he had the next three days to entertain Brian, which he was all too happy to do, struggling to keep the small smile that had made its home on his face as he waited for Brian to meet him outside of his hotel.

It was with a sickening feeling in his gut that he saw Brian walking out of the hotel with a beautiful woman on his arm, laughing at a joke she must have told him, a laugh which he'd prided himself on having gotten from the younger man a few days ago.

He composed himself as well as he could as they approached, both seemingly engrossed in their conversation until the pair were almost toe to toe with him, Brian casting him a warm smile in welcome.

"Hey Ryan, this is Cara. I met her in the lobby last night, she's Irish as well! I hope you don' mind if she tags along, I've been tellin' her what an amazing tour guide you are."

He did his best to swallow the bile that had risen in his throat as he nodded, he saw a quick flicker of what seemed like worry cross Brians' face. He quickly turned and headed in any direction, not bothering to look back to see if they were following him, but by the loud laugh, he heard come from Brian told him that they were.

The rest of the day was hazy as he blindly walked through the streets, here and there stopping to allow the pair to take photos before heading off again. He didn't really want to talk to either of them, didn't want to be there with them, instead feeling his stomach drop every time he heard their whispered conversations and loud laughs, too far gone to notice the slight greyish hue that that seemed to color his vision.

At Brians insistence he went to dinner with them, nothing fancy, just a small restaurant which he had assured them was amazing. He tried to smile here and there over dinner, Brian every now and then casting a glance his way which he ignored in favor for staring at his drink.

It was when Brian had gone to the toilet that the woman who had seemingly set out to ruin any chance he had with the Irishman spoke to him. 

"So, do you know if Brian's single?" He'd grown to hate that sickly-sweet voice, he's sure she's a nice person and under better circumstances, they may have gotten along, but as it stood there was no one he wanted to talk to less.

"He has a soulmate" He mumbled, struggling to believe his own words as he said them, at which the woman only scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Well duh, doesn't mean we can't have a little fun though" The very thought made him want to throw up. He couldn't explain his attachment to Brian, doesn't know if he wants to, and it's when he's about to leave that said man returns, offering a hand to the woman as they get ready to go.

Similar to how he'd spent the rest of the day, he walked them back to their hotel in silence, ignoring the sting in his eyes as he saw Brian wrap his arm around her waist as they entered the hotel and the woman winking at him over her shoulder.

By the time he got back to his apartment, he couldn't hold back his tears anymore, fumbling several times with his keys until he finally managed to unlock his door, quickly entering before locking it behind him as he fell to the floor in a crumpled heap.

"Who do I need to kill?"

The voice startled him, turning to see Craig in his kitchen, knife in hand.

"Craig?"

"The one and only. Now, let's get you up and you can tell me all about it"

"Craig, what are you doing here? How did you-"

"I knew something was wrong when you didn't answer your phone gushing about your new toyboy, did something happen?" 

"He uh... He found someone else" Craig's confused look towards him didn't help the situation.

"but I thought-"

"Me too, but I guess not" Try as he might he couldn't stop his tears from flowing, grateful when Craig leaned forward and brought him into a hug, allowing him to hide his face from the world.

"What hotel is he staying in again?"

"Wh-"

"No reason" the way Craig rushed out his words showed that there was, in fact, a reason, however, he didn't seem inclined to share. Instead offering him one final squeeze before pulling away and helping him off of the floor. "Now, come and help me finish dinner and then you can go wash up 'kay?"

With a nod Craig lead him to the kitchen, setting him on the counter and digging through his freezer before handing him the Ice cream tub which he kept for occasions such as this.  
Despite asking for help, Craig asked very little of him, instead filling him in on what was going on in his life and now and then asking for the odd utensil or herb.

"You better pay me back for all the food you're using you know"

Craig laughed before ruffling his hair, just dodging the foot that was aimed at him "I'm preparing a beautiful dinner for you here, the least you can show is some appreciation bitch"  
He chuckled at that, the first time he'd laughed all day and he couldn't appreciate his best friend more at that moment. "Thank you, Craig, for everything. I mean it, I don-"

"Alright let's not get too sappy now, it's only dinner. Can you pass me a baking tray please, and then you're all good to go"

Sliding off of the counter he opened the door that his feet had been guarding, briefly marveling at his array of baking trays "Any particular one?"

"Blue one should be a good size"

He turned back to his cupboard, except there was no blue tray, only a variety of black and off-white trays. Picking one at random he put it up on the counter only to be met with a confused look from Craig.

"Is the blue one not there? I swear I saw it earlier"

He shook his head as he answered "Couldn't see it"

Craig then ducked down next to him and in a flash plucked out one of the darker colored trays before standing back up, he noticed Craig looking at him out of the corner of his eye that made him feel uncomfortable until the younger man took pity on him. "You sure you're alright Ry?"

"I'm fine, must not have seen it" Craig didn't seem convinced but nevertheless he was let go to have a shower which he was all too grateful for, washing away any thoughts from the day until a pleasant buzz settled in the back of his mind. He put on his comfiest clothes before meeting Craig back in his living area as the man was flicking aimlessly through his Tv, food ready for him on his table.

"So now you're wracking up my electric bill as well as using all my food?"

"Shut up bitch" He chuckled as he flopped himself down onto Craig, outright laughing when he heard the man groan in pain before the younger man was shoving him to the other side of the couch.

The rest of the night was filled with crazy stories and stupid jokes in an effort to cheer him up and it wasn't too long until he felt fatigue start to hit him. Craig setting him off to bed before heading out with the promise to return tomorrow, determined look in his eye.

*********

He woke up to the buzzing of his phone in the other room, letting out a sigh of gratitude when it stopped before he left his warm cocoon of blankets, but it was short lived until it started up again.

With a groan he got up and out of bed, dragging his feet across the floor until he reached his phone which stopped buzzing as soon as he grabbed hold of it. Several notifications had shown that Brian had tried to call him numerous times this morning and even a couple last night.

A part of him wanted to ignore them, to block the number and simply go about his life as normal as he could, but a sicker part of himself, the part that was a glutton for punishment wanted to see what he had to say. It was with that thought that he called Brian, it barely ringing before the call was picked up.

"Hey Ryan, I just wanted to check in wit' you, I hope you're okay? You seemed a bit off yesterday" Try as he might he couldn't stop the way his heartbeat picked up at the sound of the Irishman's voice.

He was about to answer until he heard the lilt of a woman's voice in the background, and immediately the warmth he was feeling dissipated and that sick feeling returned to his stomach.

"I'm actually not feeling too good, I may have to bow out today"

"Oh..uh...okay..um will I get to see you tomorrow?" He was somewhat endeared by the disappointment he could hear in Brians tone and as much as he wanted to say yes, he doesn't know if he could stomach watching another day of him hanging off of some woman's arm.

"I'll see how I feel"

"Well, I hope I get to see you before I leave, get well soon Ry" He quickly said his goodbyes to Brian, only that there was a pause before the call ended almost as if Brian wanted to say something more before he too said his goodbyes and their call was ended.

Despite how he normally kept a routine to his day, today he made an exception, instead opting to lounge around his apartment in a pair of sweats, made even better when Craig came through his door, 5-liter ice cream tub in hand.

Happy as he was to mope around, it didn't give as much comfort as it normally would, his mind kept drifting to Brian, what he was doing, where he might visit, and he couldn't help but feel as though he gave up. As if at the smallest whiff of competition, he chickened out and could now potentially lose out on something special.

After the pity party he held for himself a new sense of determination ran through him, he was going to try and fight for Brian, and Craig was all too happy to help him out, picking him out an outfit whilst he showered. He was grateful for Craig's' help but couldn't help but think the man should have better sense than picking out clothes that were a bit on the small side.

His friends' answer to that was simply a wink and a smack on the ass before sending him on his way, telling him where Brian would be. Before he could question as to why Craig knew where he was, his own front door was shut in his face, leaving him with little choice but to head out.

*********

It wasn't long before he made it to the park Craig had told him, texting him a general area in which to look for the Irishman and it wasn't long before he caught sight of him, face wrapped up in a scarf whilst his hair was blowing wildly in the wind. In the faint traces of color that he had left in his vision, he could just make out the slightest tinge of red coloring Brians' cheeks and he was so endeared at the sight he couldn't stop the smile that graced his face, one that increased tenfold when Brian noticed him, a broad grin plastering itself on the younger man's face.

He couldn't keep the smile off of his face as Brian left Cara in favor of jogging over to him.

"I'm glad you could make it Ry, s'good to see you"

"How did you-"

"Craig texted me" Brian only laughed at the confused look he gave at that statement "I dunno either man, it just kinda happened. C'mon lets get outta the cold, 'm freezing my nuts off out here"

He could do little else but laugh, easily falling in step beside him and it was almost as if yesterday had never happened, that was until they made it back to where Cara was stood, a disgruntled look on her face.

"Ain't it great Ry could join us out for dinner Cara?" He couldn't help but throw a somewhat smug smile her way and he noticed a flash of anger in her eyes before she smiled towards Brian.

"It's great babe, but can we please get out of this cold"

Despite the pet name she used, he was somewhat reassured by the confused look Brian gave at her remark, showing that he'd been taken off guard by her use of it. Nevertheless, the younger man turned to him and asked him to lead the way.

It was easy to navigate his way through the streets and soon enough they were heading into a quaint little restaurant him and Craig often frequented. Of course, when they sat down Cara took her seat beside Brian but that did little to deter him, much happier to sit across from the taller man to memorize the crinkles around his eyes and the way his nose would scrunch up a little when he laughed.

This time he was an active participant in the conversations, eager to learn anything and everything he could about the Irishman who seemed just as willing to learn as much about him as well. He had to try and hide his smile as Brian moved away from the hand Cara tried to place on his thigh all the while they were playing footsie under the table.

Although dinner was done he was hoping Brian would want to go with him out in the town, just to walk under the streetlights and talk about anything.

"Do you maybe wanna come out with me for a bit Brian? I know a couple of little weird café style shops which are still open if you want to grab a drink"

He could see Brian thinking about the offer, however before he could so much as formulate a response Cara interjected for him.

"It's getting late and we've got an early start tomorrow, we should get back to the hotel right Bri?" He could see the conflict reflected in Brian and he knew the moment he lost, he swore he could feel what was almost a sucker punch straight to his chest knocking all the air out of him.

"Cara's right, tomorrow though, promise" With those words, the pair got up and donned their coats, Brian saying his farewells whilst he ignored the smug look from Cara, and watched them walk out of the restaurant.

This time he noticed the color draining from his vision, not completely, but enough. The world around him turning to subtle greys and varying shades of white and black. His mind was numb as he made his way home, the implications of what had just happened taking up the forefront of his mind, and he'd done nothing to stop it, again.

He'd let Brian walk away, hadn't even bothered chasing after him. The fact that color was leaving his sight told him that Brian had to be his soulmate, and yet he'd let him walk away with a woman who wanted nothing more than to get in his pants, the very thought of which made his skin crawl.

He'd hoped that Craig would be gone by the time he arrived back home but was instead greeted by his friend pacing around the living room. He could see the question in his friends' eyes as soon as he noticed his arrival, all he could do was shake his head in answer, his friend quickly walking over and pulling him into another hug.

They stood there for what could've been days, unwilling to move and have to face the outside world. Eventually, though Craig led him to his bed, although this time his friend got in with him, too tired to question it he let the younger man pull him close against him, glad for the comfort as he quickly fell asleep.

**********

He was gently shaken awake to see Craig standing over him, a plate of food in hand. "C'mon, time to get your ass up. Brians' gonna be here in 20 minutes"

"Wha?" He barely heard what Craig had told him, too tired to even make a move, but the mention of Brian had caused him to sit up and try at rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, trying to ignore the smug look on his friend's face.

"Your boy crush is gonna be here soon so unless you want him to see you in this, let's face it, dire state, I suggest you get your ass in gear"

He let out a long sigh as he sat up fully in bed, Craig putting the plate of toast in his lap before digging through his closet, haphazardly chucking stuff around until he turned around with a shout, clothes in hand.

The next thing he knew said clothes were chucked at him before Craig headed towards him, clapping his hands in his face which was quick to startle him to pay attention.  
"C'mon Ry, I'm gonna let him in whether you're ready or not so it's up to you"

His eyes widened at that and he quickly moved the plate off of him to get out of the bed, cringing at the fact that he was still in his clothes from the night before. He heard a quiet hum of approval from Craig before his friend headed out of his room, his only words being '15 minutes'.

He made short work of discarding his clothes, taking a bite here and there of the toast that had been made for him before grabbing a towel and a clean pair of underwear and heading for the shower. Aware of his time limit he spent little time washing himself, barely sparing a moment to enjoy and relax in the hot water before he was turning it off. He made quick work of drying himself and donning his underwear, rubbing his hair dry as he left the bathroom in an effort to find Craig and learn how long he had left, hoping that by some miracle he could get some coffee.

He wasn't expecting to walk into his living room to see Craig playing house to Brian and Cara who were cuddled up together on his couch, although by the looks of things Brian was trying to edge himself further and further into the side of the couch and away from Caras hold. 

He could feel his blush spreading not only over his face but across his chest as well, quickly slinging the towel around his front in an effort to cover up, but not before he saw Brian casting his eyes over his body.

He glared towards Craig who only offered him a half-apologetic shrug "So Brian got here a little earlier than planned"

"Well I'm a firm believer that it's always better to arrive early, and it clearly paid off today" He saw Brian throw a wink his way which only caused him to turn redder if that were possible. He tried to motion that he was going to get changed before turning and all but sprinting back to his room.

He didn't pay attention to what Craig had picked out for him, just threw them on, running his hand through his hair a couple of times in semblance of brushing it, before re-joining his guests.

The first clue that something was up was when he quickly saw Craig turn away from him and cover his mouth, face going red. Cara slitting her eyes at him was the next thing and Brians' laugh filling up the living area was the last clue. 

He looked down at himself to see if there was something wrong and that's when he saw the word 'Daddy' scrawled across his shirt and that's when he knew Craig had set him up.  
"That is brilliant, you hav' to wear that out." His face was bright red once again, and he was about to protest Brians' remark when the Irishman spoke up again "I'm the guest so you hav' to do what I say. Get your jacket, we're goin' out"

"I'm going to kill you for this Craig, you'd better not be here when I get back" He then moved to grab his coat, quickly zipping it to cover the shirt which was short lived as Brian made his way over and undid his coat zipper before readjusting his coat.

They stood like that for a moment, Brian holding onto the lapels of his coat as they stared at each other, he could feel the backs of the taller man's fingers gently brushing against his neck as he breathed, and the touch sent a shiver down his spine. There was that faint hint of familiarity again and once again he got a flash of late nights, fingers tracing lightly over his skin and secrets being whispered into the back of his neck.

He came back to himself, taking in a big breath of air as he remembered how to breathe and by looking at the man in front of him he wasn't the only one affected. He's sure that the both of them could've stood like that for hours if left alone, however, it wasn't much longer before he saw Cara sidle up next to Brian and that's when they separated at last.

"Shall we head out guys?" He could tell how false her tone was without the accompanying grimace aimed towards him, and by the look on Craig's face in the background, he could tell as well.

"Have fun out there daddy, don't get into too much trouble" He shot a glare at a laughing Craig as he left his apartment, both cursing and thanking the fact that he was in his life.

**********

Once again he found himself navigating his way through the streets of Chicago, however, this time Brian had taken it upon himself to be as close to him as possible, their hands brushing against each other now and again, setting butterflies off in his stomach.

When the streets would get too crowded and they had to weave their way through people he'd grab hold of Brians' hand, noticing the blush on the younger mans face, but when they were free from the crowds the Irishman clung onto his hand and he couldn't hide the small smile that graced his face.

Every now and then Cara would ask them to stop at a shop so that she could look around, occasionally she would try and put on a small show for Brian in some of the skimpier outfits, but it couldn't be more obvious how disinterested he was. It was annoying in the beginning but with every shop, they stopped in, whilst Cara would make her way around the store, Brian would wrap an arm around him and whisper in his ear about some of the other patrons, always eliciting a small giggle from him.

He felt comfort in the touches and he quickly grew addicted to them to the point that he would purposefully direct them towards shops he thought Cara might like in an effort to spend some more time with Brian.

Any doubts he had about Brian potentially being his soulmate were cemented throughout the day. Although color in his vision never fully returned, with each laugh he elicited from Brian and every touch between them brought the faintest touches back to life. He could see the subtle hues of color throughout Brians' hair and the pink that colored his cheeks.

It was at Brians' insistence that they go ice skating, the little experience he had meant that he didn't have to hold onto the rail around the rink as Brian and Cara did. It wasn't too long before Brian started to venture out towards the middle, and he was by his side the whole time, always there to put an arm around him to catch him before he fell. 

Soon they were hand in hand and Brian was leading them around as fast as he dared, quite successfully until his skate hit a small ridge in the ice and he fell, the grip on his hand getting tighter leaving no choice but to fall with him, and to his dismay, on top of the Irishman.

"Shit, are you okay Brian?"

"Think so, fuck. 'm sorry Ry"

"Nah it's okay, you did well"

"Wit' all respect, my arse disagrees wit' you" 

He couldn't help but laugh, in the back of his mind noting how Brians' arms had wrapped around him, and as much as he wanted to stay like this he couldn't help but cringe at how cold Brian must be lying on the ice.

"C'mon, let's get up or your ass will be freezing as well" He made a move to get up but felt Brians' arms wrap tighter around him, quickly putting a stop to his efforts.

"Let's stay here for a bit" Ignoring the people around them he lay down on top of Brians' chest, feeling warmer than he had all day despite their environment. 

"Ryan?" He looked up towards Brian, feeling his own heart melt at the soft look the Irishman had on his face. He felt one of Brians' hands on his face, felt it move until the fingers were gently running through his hair, shivering when he felt nails scratching along his scalp until Brians hand once again came to rest on his face. "Thank you"

"For what?" He saw Brian smile and he gave a small one in return, closing his eyes when he felt Brians' thumb start to rub along his cheek.

"For makin' this holiday special" He felt Brians' thumb start to rub against his bottom lip, a touch he had felt many a time in his dreams. He opened his eyes just in time to see Brian avert his gaze from his lips while he licked his own.

He couldn't stop his own gaze wandering down to the younger man's lips, his desire to kiss him overrode any other thought he had, and it was with that he started to lean forward, his heart exalting when Brian too moved forward, their lips barely brushing against each other.

"BRIAN! Little help here please?" The sound of Caras' shriek next to them broke them apart, and all he could do was rest his head against Brians' shoulder whilst the Irishman rubbed his sides a couple of times before patting him on the back to signify they should move.

He quickly got up, extending a hand to help Brian up before leaving to go help Cara who was flailing her arms in an effort to keep her balance in her venture out to them. 

"What're you playing at? He's mine. Stay away" He winced as he felt her nails digging into his arms, leading her out of the rink before she all but shoved him away in an effort to get out so she could go hang off of a now cold and wet Brian.

Once they were back in their normal shoes they made the decision to go back to the hotel so that Brian could get a change of clothes and then they were back to exploring.

They didn't discuss their almost kiss, only now and again casting looks at one another and quickly looking away before the other could notice. When the light finally started to dim they decided to go for food, making their way into the nearest restaurant and sat similar to how they had the night before, with Cara by Brians side whilst he sat in front.

Their talk was somber, mostly about how both Brian and Cara were leaving back for Ireland in the morning, he didn't want to think too hard on the fact that they were traveling together, or that there was a high chance he wouldn't see Brian again, despite their promises to keep in contact.

Once again Brian left for the bathroom, leaving him alone with Cara who made no effort to hide her harsh glare towards him.

"Tonight's gonna be the night, maybe I can even convince him to join the mile-high club with me tomorrow, but try not to think about that when you're in bed alone tonight" Her words made him feel sick to his stomach, but he knew better than to buy into them, he'd seen first hand that Brian was put off by her, so he tried not to feel too threatened.

The sick grin on her face as Brian walked back to them made his skin crawl. "C'mon Bri, we should probably get back to the hotel, early mornin' and all" He could see the hesitation on Brians' face, see him almost trying to find a way out of it which he was happy to oblige.

"We can go for a couple leaving drinks if you want? I know a nice little ice cream place we can go after?" The bright smile Brian shot his way showed how much he appreciated his way out, although Cara had other ideas.

"Brian I really think we should go back to the hotel, I don't want us missin' the plane cause you're hungover"

"I think he can make his own decisions Cara"

"Well we both know you're only offering so you can get in his pants"

"That's rich coming from you who just a minute ago was saying you were gonna get him to join the mile-high club"

"I wasn't the one suckin' his face on the ice rink"

"Enough" Brians' voice, quiet though it was, was enough to silence the both of them. "'m gonna go, I need time to think" Cara made a move to get up, but he was quick to stop her "Don't bother" With that, he grabbed his coat and left, he could almost feel his heart leaving with him.

Without a second thought, he ran after him, quick to spot him in the streetlight and getting in front of him to stop.

"Brian please -"

"Don't Ryan, I t'ought you might be different, but you're just the same as her"

"And you believe what she says? You know me, Brian, do you honestly think I could be anything like that?" He grabbed hold of Brians coat, only causing the younger man to look away from him, tears in his eyes.

 

"I don't know what to think"  
"Please Brian" He then moved his hands to hold Brians face, forcing Brian to look him in the eyes as his thumbs made soothing circles on his cheeks "You know me, know everything about me. You kissed the bruises my bullies left all over me, let me cry on your shoulder when Buddy died, been there for me through every failure and success. Please...just feel"  
He kept one hand on Brians' face, hopeful when he felt the younger man lean into it slightly, whilst his other grabbed one of Brians' hands, linking their fingers together before bringing it up to his lips and placing a small kiss on his fingers. He felt Brians' hand squeeze his slightly before the taller man pulled away from him entirely and he couldn't keep the hurt look off of his face.

"Look, I don't know what you think Ryan but you're wrong"

"Brian" He leaned forward to try and grab hold of Brian again, anything to keep him from moving away, but the Irishman moved back, all the same, putting his hands up in front of him in defense.

"Goodbye Ryan"

He wanted to chase after him, to try to convince and persuade the Irishman that he was it, that they were soulmates, but he was stuck there. His feet may as well have been cemented into the pavement as he watched the Irishman walk away, looking on far after he'd gone.

It wasn't much longer that he started to feel the chill of the evening air, heading back to the restaurant to obtain his coat, refusing to look towards Cara who was still sitting at the table with a face like sour milk. 

He doesn't remember much of the trip home; only knows he dropped his keys a few times before gaining enough control to finally open his front door. 

His heart broke a little when he realized Craig wasn't there, all he saw was a note on his table, 'Have fun daddy', he huffed a small laugh at it before making his way towards his room, stopping in the doorway when he'd seen what Craig had done. 

Rose petals littered his floor and bed and the pack of condoms and lube on his bedside table told him exactly what Craig had intended to happen and as much as he loved his friend he couldn't stand the sight of his room right now.

He dragged his feet towards the living room and fell onto his couch with a loud sigh whilst he waited for sleep to claim him. He doesn't know whether he wants to dream with Brian or not, doesn't know what would happen or what he'd try to say but he fully relaxed back into the couch when nothing but darkness surrounded his consciousness.

**********

He woke up to a pounding in his head and he had to cover his eyes in order to try and block out some of the sunlight filtering through the room and making the ache so much worse. He sat back on the couch as he cast a quick look to his phone, it was 10 am and he tried not to think too hard about how Brian would be on his way back to Ireland at this point, at how he never really got to say goodbye.

This time he did try to look towards the sunlight in an effort to blink away his tears however he soon relented and let them flow freely down his face. He took another glance at his phone, noticing a few messages he got from Craig which he didn't have the heart to answer at the moment, instead wiping his face as he got up from the couch and dragged his feet towards the bathroom.

Almost mechanically he stripped himself of clothes and stood under the water, paying no mind at how cold it was and remaining motionless even when it heated up. Here he let loose the cries he hadn't dared to last night, he'd had everything, but the words of a jealous woman and his own cowardice meant that it had slipped through his fingers. It was crazy, but despite having only known Brian for a handful of days he'd never felt most like himself like he was finally whole, Brian's departure having left a series of holes for his emotions to drain out of until he felt nothing.

When he was all cried out he turned off the water, not caring about the fact he didn't have a towel as he made his way towards his bedroom, paying no mind to the cold chill of the apartment that hit him. Once there he half-heartedly wiped himself dry with the first thing he touched before donning his loosest pair of sweats, grabbing the condoms and lube still on his table and chucking them into the bottom of his sock drawer.

He briefly noted the fact he couldn't make out even the faintest tinge of red on the rose petals, now slightly wilted, that littered his room. He wanted to be worried, to be scared that he was almost at the cut-off point, the point at which he would lose all sight of color and his bond with Brian would be utterly broken, except he couldn't find it in himself to care.  
It took him longer than he liked but eventually, his room was clear of all the paraphernalia that Craig had left, despite the cold air he opened up his window in an effort to get rid of the sickly-sweet smell that still lingered.

He was the furthest thing from hungry, but his body had different ideas and it was almost painful how his stomach grumbled for food. He cast a cursory glance around his fridge, but nothing caught his interest and his cupboards were similar. Eventually, he realized his efforts were futile and grabbed the ice cream that had been left in his freezer, after which moving back to the couch and putting some sort of reality show on his tv.

He doesn't know how long he'd been sat there when he heard a knock on his door, only knew that his ice cream was long gone and that he'd watched three other shows since he'd turned his tv on. He prepared himself emotionally for the onslaught of questions that Craig was sure to ask him, only hoping said friend had taken the liberty of bringing more ice Cream as he tried to put on as bright a smile as he could manage when opening the door.

That smile was short lived however when he realized it was Brian who was stood there, looking worse for wear as he tried to show a façade of a smile.  
"Hey Ry" He couldn't formulate a response, too surprised at the man in front of him who should have been on a plane halfway across the world at this point. It was only when he saw worry and discomfort color Brians demeanor that he finally interjected.

"Brian" The Irishman looked down at him and they stood there as if staring into the soul of the other and it seemed that Brian was content with what he saw. "You look like shit" The younger man huffed a laugh and he couldn't help his own smile in return. "What are you doing here Bri"

"I did a lot of thinkin' last night, realized what a fuckin' idiot I was for not believin' in you...in us" He felt Brian grab a hold of hands, adding some semblance of warmth to the cold that he'd felt all night. "I know what an arse I've been, all I'm askin' is for a second chance, a chance to do this properly" He couldn't help the tears that brimmed his eyes, couldn't stomach watching the feelings of love flickering in Brians' eyes, he cast his eyes down to their entwined hands, hands that had held him his whole life. "I love you, it scares me to hell and back that I feel that way after such a short time, but what scared me the most was the fact that I may never see you again, that I may lose you for good"

This time he did look back up at Brian, he could see the pain clear as day across his face and he wanted nothing more than to comfort the man in front of him, to brush away his tears and comb his fingers through his hair, to whisper sweet nothings in his ear until he finally heard that laugh he loved so much. There was that word, love. It scared him to think how devoted he was to the man in front of him, but it reassured him that said man felt the same, that they were both walking into this blind, but together.

He gave a reassuring squeeze to Brians' hands which the man reciprocated, he could now feel the hope radiating off of the Irishman and it reassured his answer back to the younger man "I love you too Brian" He didn't have time to say anything else as Brian let go of his hands and instead pulled him into a bone crushing hug which he was all too happy to reciprocate. He felt himself being lifted off of the ground and quickly wrapped his legs around Brians' waist, they stood there like that until his need for air was making itself known, leaning back slightly but never leaving Brians hold.

It was then that Brian led them back into his apartment, kicking the door closed behind him before dropping him gently onto the couch so that the younger man was now kneeling between his legs, and he could swear Brian looked almost like the cat that got the cream.

He ran his hand through Brians' hair, enjoying the way the younger man leaned into his touch, his heart was practically singing when the touch of his nails got a small moan out of the Irishman. 

He felt the man kneading his thighs gently, but it didn't last too long until he wanted more, to finally kiss the man in front of him. He moved his hand from Brians now mussed hair to the side of his face, pulling it slightly towards him to signify what he wanted, and it didn't take long for Brian to get the message, goofy smile on his face as he leaned up to join their lips together.

He didn't need to have his eyes open to see the burst of color light up his vision again and when they finally broke away for air he opened his eyes to see those soft chocolate brown eyes gazing back at him, unable to stop his own smile lighting up his face.

"That's better, now I can see ya properly when I fuck you into the mattress" he managed to stop Brian leaning in for another kiss, ignoring the whine the Irishman let out in order to get some answers.

"Wait, what do you mean see me properly?" A soft look crossed over Brians' face as he reached a hand up to hold his face.

"I think you know what I mean, didn' realize it till last night but my world was all grey without you"

He let a groan whilst Brian only laughed "That's so cliché"

"I know, but it's true. I'm glad I get to see your face get all red again when I make a joke and you're eyes glint with mischief when you know you're bein' a little shit."  
"Okay I'll give you that, but whoever said you'd be the one fucking me into the mattress, I could just as easily make you my bitch" He should feel put out at Brians laugh in response to his statement, but he didn't even believe it himself.

"Is that a bet?"

Without another word he leaned forward off of the couch, causing Brian to fall backward onto the floor, allowing him to sit on top of him. Brians' hands came to rest on his hips whilst he leaned down to press a small kiss just under Brians' ear "If you want it to be" He felt the shiver run through the man under him, and after that, it was every man for himself.  
He doesn't know how but eventually they found themselves in his bedroom, silently thanking Craig for the stuff he'd left for them, making a note that he'd have to do something special as a thank you for being there for him over the last few days.

That thought was cemented further by the fact that hours later when they both sore and tired and could do little else but curl up against each other, he saw a text from Craig. It went along the lines that next time to warn him when he had company because he most definitely didn't want to hear Brian and him go at each other like animals in heat and that he would send them his first bill for therapy.

Brian only laughed at their predicament, commenting on the fact that they must have put on a good show, which earned him a slap on the chest. 

Sure, they had a long way to go but at least they now had each other, finally able to hold the other after having only dreamt for so many years, happy to face whatever trials that came their way, together at last.


End file.
